Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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