And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wear drunk well.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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