Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
