Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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