I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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