Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
