ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
