is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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