He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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