forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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