My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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