I must be too annoying 4 u.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
