I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
