we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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