my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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