So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
