I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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