Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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