Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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