It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
