we made out on top of his cat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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