If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
