You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have tasted many bathrooms
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
