i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
