I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
