Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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