I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
