Say something about gay babies.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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