4 words: hood of his car
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am one with the molecules
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
