Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
