Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
