Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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