I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
