whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
