I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
