Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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