Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wear drunk well.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
