i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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