I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
