What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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