i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
