dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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