dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
