i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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