Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
