The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
