I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
