I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
