Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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