She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He passed out mid-signature
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
