Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
