i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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